the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Panties = found
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
