dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
