so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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