a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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