I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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