Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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