hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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