sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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