you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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