you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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