OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the liver wants what the liver wants
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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