if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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