I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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