Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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