The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
