I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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