i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
