i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize