It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize