it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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