if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
