Its about making memories worth repressing
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
