Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
