Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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