Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
