She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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