I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
