I must be too annoying 4 u.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I want is dick and wine.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
