If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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