1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
