well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My bed smells like the plague
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