I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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