Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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