Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
