Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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