i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
