I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
