First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Rumble strips road head = magical
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
