She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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