Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
BRING THE BAGELS
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
