it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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