Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
