I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
