me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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