The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
