I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
