he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
