u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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