I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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