I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
