I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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