i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
