Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
