Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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