mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
