Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
