In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
vagina is talking i cant
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
