No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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