Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
