I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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