once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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