one two three fourrrrnication!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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