You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
