in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
