Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
