Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
