Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize