My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
