How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
