actually, I'm a sock model
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
