its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
