I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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