You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize