So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
