I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
