just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
