So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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