i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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