they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
