I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
