i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
