Non-Jews are for practice
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
