If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
