He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i came on her dog
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
