Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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