I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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