my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
