ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize