i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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