Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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