I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
