How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
