God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
