Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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