i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
