Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
