While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
