If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
