And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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